Greetings, apple lovers! In honor of Mankato Brewery’s latest masterpiece, Apple Apocalypse, I’ve been tasked with a short write-up on the history of the original doctor-dodger, the apple.
Apples were invented in London-Town in 1628 by Sir Jonathan
Ambrose, the Duke of Appleseed as a dietary supplement. Their crisp, sweet
flavor made them an instant success as the most popular foods of the time were
charcoal, rat pelts and tree bark.
Soon the recipe for apples became one of the most closely guarded secrets in Christendom.
Sir Jonathan’s Apple empire grew unchecked for decades until the invention of the banana in 1660 by the infamous prankster Isaac Newton.
Due to his strict diet of sixty-four apples a day Sir Jonathan lived to the ripe old age of 357, long enough to witness the rise and fall of “The Captain and Tennille” and to unsuccessfully prosecute Steve Jobs for copyright infringement. He was killed in 1995 by a gas station cashier over repeated abuse of the “take a penny, leave a penny” tray.
So kick back tonight with an ice-cold Apple Apocalypse from Mankato Brewery and remember one of the great captains of industry and all-around poff, Sir Jonathan of Appleseed!
Graham Q. Davenport III